Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Soon I'll fade

In the morning, my heart is racing. I don't know why. Was I dreaming something that left me breathless?

It happens often. I have premonitions that I will not live long. I keep thinking, this time next year, I will be gone. I cannot shake them. I feel like my wasted life will soon just be a footnote.

Should I write my children a letter? I don't have anything to say. I feel unmotivated. What will it matter? They can think what they think. Soon I'll fade.

I don't even think I've been a bad person, but no one gives a fuck about me. I got shafted hard by the person I should have been able to trust. But that's the world, isn't it? Six billion selfish arseholes who pretend they are doing anything but satisfying themselves.

None of us matter much. We are here for a brief moment, a glimmer, then we are done. Soon we'll fade, and just our names will be known, until, later, those too are forgotten.

8 Comments:

Blogger Alan Hope said...

None of us matters much, you mean. None is singular. I know you wouldn't want to go to your deserted grave with that on your conscience.

August 16, 2012 at 6:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've never met you but I check your blog every day and am concerned if you're silent for a few weeks.

I really enjoy your writing. You're a genuine talent. I think the observation has been made by another elsewhere that an edited compilation of the best of Monkey would be worth having.
There must be some satisfaction in providing an engaging and often wise blog enjoyed by readers who have discovered you by accident.

FJ

August 16, 2012 at 10:17 AM  
Blogger Dr Zen said...

Thanks FJ. It's kind of you to say so.

August 17, 2012 at 3:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with Anonymous, and it's not me! Some of the wit, and indeed the wisdom, in MB deserves to have a wider audience. The world would be a better place if bigots and politicians were required to read it. Obviously a suppressed talent waiting to be discovered, and at the same time fascinating insights into the real Zen and the children who obviously mean a lot to him. Power to your keyboard, Zen!

August 19, 2012 at 7:06 PM  
Blogger Looney said...

I miss you on Facebook :(

Just letting you know.

August 24, 2012 at 5:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There cant be you and six billion assholes. Dr. Zen you probably there somewhere too.

I have read some replies, and they profess respect. Are they part of the six billion or are they wrong.

Maybe the person who distroyed your trust, the six billion assholes are worth your premonitions of your death, and maybe your death.

I will sadly miss your passing.
One of the backside people
Rod

August 26, 2012 at 10:18 AM  
Blogger Dr Zen said...

Careful reading of my blog will show that I count myself in among the six billion assholes.

August 26, 2012 at 10:28 AM  
Blogger Dr Zen said...

I've been thinking about "none of us matter/s much" and I just feel like my rendering is idiomatic.

August 29, 2012 at 10:01 AM  

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