Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Nice kid

I was a nice kid with the sun in my eyes; I was a nice kid with tousled hair.

I was a nice kid whatever you believe.

I was a good man when I knew the song you loved in three notes; I was a good man with a kind heart.

I was a good man whatever you believe.

I've had love, I know I'm capable
of love and being loved.

If you heard me singing in the car, then you'd say, there's a man who can still love the world. But only if you did not realise, I am only singing the sad ones. And it breaks the stone I call a heart that never is there anyone to sing them with me.

Here's a world that loves a hustler, where goodness is a doormat. Here's a world where you are weighed in money, and I have none.

Tomorrow I have to confess to the sosh that I have no value. For 200 bucks a week, the government gives itself a licence to tell me I'm worth nothing. I wish I could be free but I have nothing anyone wants to buy, and no talent to make anything of.

People say, oh just write a book. But it's hard when you know no one will want it. It's not a world for nice boys with good hearts. It's a world for hustlers, men who see you as rungs on a ladder, women who use you to get where they want to be, then wipe you off their shoe.

***

I have always had a problem that I don't want to play the game. I know what you're supposed to do but I don't want to. I should have been a lawyer or a doctor, but somehow I preferred being a free spirit. In any case my dad would not support me in college if I didn't give up smoking. I lost three stones in defying him. One evening I fainted in the campus chipshop because I finally had five pounds to buy a chilliburger with.

I know I should lie and cheat. I know I should care nothing about people, just use them for whatever I need. I know I should value them purely for what they can give me, and if they ever need something in return, I should drop them like a stone.

I wanted to be different, but the problem with being different is that everyone else is the same.

11 Comments:

Blogger AJ said...

But it's hard when you know no one will want it.

You don't know it.

I know I should lie and cheat. I know I should care nothing about people, just use them for whatever I need. I know I should value them purely for what they can give me, and if they ever need something in return, I should drop them like a stone.

Bullshit.

August 29, 2012 at 8:33 AM  
Blogger Looney said...

What she said.

September 1, 2012 at 8:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...



Life is a long and winding road:
I was a nice kid with the sun in my eyes;
I was a good man when I knew the song you loved in three notes;

It can change from light to dark.
And it breaks the stone I call a heart that never is there anyone to sing them with me.
And the dark is so very very dark
a world that loves a hustler
I know I should lie and cheat

Yes, a journey from knowing 'the song you loved', from being 'a good man with a kind heart' to 'I wanted to be different, but the problem with being different is that everyone else is the same.'

Something is happening here and I wonder what it is ... (Bob Dylan)
Rod















I was a good man when I knew the song you loved in three notes'I was a nice ; '
that can turn into a bitch.





Oh what poety your life asw a cdhild.

September 14, 2012 at 3:17 PM  
Anonymous Bhuvi said...

You don't know that no-one will want to read your book.

And I wish you FELT there was someone who wants to sing with you.

You ARE a good man, and many can see it. Life can be a drudgery, but it is a team sport and we all need to help each other get to the finish line.xx

September 15, 2012 at 11:49 AM  
Blogger Dr Zen said...

Well, without getting all whiny about it, maybe the people who think I'm such a fucking good man could actually think I'm good enough to spend time with?

September 17, 2012 at 5:27 PM  
Blogger Looney said...

Distance is the only barrier for this one. The three days we spent together when you were here I still consider a highlight. It was over too soon.

I'm sorry it seems lonely for you lately. Love half a world away surely isn't the same as the same room.

September 17, 2012 at 7:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No postings for a few week. Are you OK?

October 16, 2012 at 9:40 AM  
Blogger Becks said...

I am sorry you feel so lonely. It breaks my heart you feel that way.

October 18, 2012 at 9:34 AM  
Blogger Looney said...

Listen to Becks, my friend...

Love you - hope to see more from you.

October 24, 2012 at 6:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you feel this way. Life is complicated. We just do the best we can. At least I think most of us try to.

October 28, 2012 at 10:20 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

Parker Palmer, who is sort of a Quaker saint (if Quakers will admit to having saints, and usually we don't) said that after one of his bouts of depression (which have been serious and frequent), when he got up a bit of energy (and we know how hard that is, but still), he set about changing in a small way the external events that helped the depression seed and grow. He wrote a book addressing that root cause, how to make things better.

What a fine idea. Good luck getting some energy back. Take drugs if necessary to kickstart the process. As long as you're not suicidal, of course. Because getting a bit of energy is dangerous then.

November 5, 2012 at 1:24 AM  

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