Friday, January 21, 2011


I have lost 500 dollars today. It is everything I won this month. It is so lonely to sit here and lose. But I'm a loser. That's what I do best. I fail at everything. Even when I think I'm winning, I lose and lose and lose. It doesn't matter how hard I try.

I am stuck with it because I have no way to make money. Soon I won't be able to pay the rent. I am stuck having to try to make a living in a place with no living for me. What else can I do? I have to try to make a life in a place where life escapes me, where when I thought I had a little bit of joy, the girlfriend I loved dumped me. And worse, thinks I am such a loser it wasn't even worth trying to work out.

Here's my life. I raise KK, and a guy shoves QQ. He hits a fourcard flush. The guy who sucks out on me is a complete arsehole. I know him. He laughed afterwards. Why wouldn't he? Winners get to laugh at losers.

It is going to be very hard to fire up tables tomorrow. Some days it's hard even to get out of bed, to force myself to live my pointless life of losing.

On another table, I yet again lose with QQ in a 70/30. I have probably had 50 70/30s today. I should win 35. I imagine I've won 3.

Here's my life. Tell me, would you live it:
NL Holdem $100(BB) Poker Stars Game#56296220951

ARFO777 ($2,025)
yedckol ($1,260)
BeesonZ ($1,785)
lonnieboy ($2,565)
Parvatti ($1,925)
sbw_75 ($1,115)
t bone 2526 ($925)
DeathCardSix ($705)
FR Vessant ($1,195)

ARFO777 posts (SB) $50
yedckol posts (BB) $100

Dealt to FR Vessant Qc Qd
fold, fold, fold, fold, fold,
DeathCardSix raises to $705 (AI)
FR Vessant raises to $1,195 (AI)
fold, fold,
FLOP ($1,560) 5c 8d 5s
TURN ($1,560) 5c 8d 5s Ah
RIVER ($1,560) 5c 8d 5s Ah Kd
DeathCardSix shows Ad 3d
(Pre 32%, Flop 17.2%, Turn 95.5%)

FR Vessant shows Qc Qd
(Pre 68%, Flop 82.8%, Turn 4.5%)

DeathCardSix wins $1,560

The weird thing is, I won that tournament. I came back from 480 chips and I won it. Mad. It's basically the only one I did win, but crazy that I choose a hand to illustrate how rotten things are, and it's from a tourney I beat against the odds.

Pity life isn't like that.


Blogger Garfield Roscoe said...

Do something to get on the positive tip... You'll pull it out sooner or later. Drop down a level for a day for a confidence boost. Nit it up even more than you usually do if you must. Get that 7% for a day so at least you can turn around the mentality.
Your U.S. matey in Chicago

January 21, 2011 at 10:48 PM  
Blogger Paris Dreamer said...

You may be losing, but you are NOT a loser.

January 22, 2011 at 4:43 AM  

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