Saturday, December 25, 2010

About Bella

I can't help thinking about you. You meant a lot to me even if I didn't mean so much to you. I know, I am ready to leap when I should walk, but I never quite learned how to crawl.

I loved your kisses because you had a way of kissing that made me feel like only I existed. Am I fooling myself because I felt good about myself? Maybe I am but I will miss your kisses.

I loved your smile and you often smiled. I am too simple to know a smile can hide sadness; how can I know? I loved your smile because you were beautiful when you smiled; you changed in a way no one else I know does. Your smile seemed to speak of knowledge, that I had made you know something you hadn't known. I am confused to learn that I showed you nothing new, but still I will miss your smiles.

I loved you to hold me because you made me feel safe. You made me feel the world could not be cruel. I did not know that you intended cruelty yourself. I feel betrayed by it, yet I know it is your right to feel however you feel about it.

I am confused because we spent so many hours that seemed right but you tell me they were wrong. I am confused because it seems like if something's sour you should be able to taste it. But you tasted good to me.

I feel sad because I hate to be powerless and I am powerless to change your mind. I feel like we could have done good for each other but what do I know? I am vain enough to hurt but not vain enough to think I know any better.


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