Saturday, August 18, 2007

Zenita's song

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse


We are in the kitchen, me and Zenita. I am clearing some stuff up. The first bars of Fix you are coming from the stereo, and she jumps up into my arms.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?


She has a huge, irresistible smile. She spends a lot of her life smiling, a life full of joy.

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you



We are dancing in the kitchen. She leans back, stretching out her arms when I spin her round.

For a moment, there is only us, and her song.

When high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth


For a moment, she will not grow; she will live forever here with me, untouched and untouchable, safe because I am here to keep her from harm.

No one will break her heart and the man she will love will always be me.

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you


She wraps her arms around my neck, her face close to mine.

And I am wondering, who is keeping whom safe?

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you


I love you daddy, she is saying. I have a moment of pure wordless joy, inexplicable, impossible to sully or break. This is the most untouchable thing I have, that anyone can have, to be just you and your child, and the song that sings their name to you.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Sal said...

Remember that vid you linked to a while back? That one that had this song? That was absolutely lovely.

This is lovely.

When my dad died, I was absolutely crushed devastated lost swatted upside.

I still am.

Here's hopes that Zen'a misses you as much when you're gone as I miss my dad now.

Enjoy her. My dad knew I loved him. I hope you feel the same.

August 18, 2007 at 4:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

boots sez:

"And I am wondering, who is keeping whom safe?"

That seems exactly the way of it, doesn't it. I recall when we had the little ones at home, the house felt very safe. Much safer than I ever knew a house to feel when I was single.

It could be that because parents will instantly cast off their identities as fragile fools and become supermen to defend the little ones they love so much that gives the feeling of safety. But I think perhaps it is something more.

What, I don't know. But you're not the only one to have had the feeling that children bring safety to a home.

August 18, 2007 at 8:27 PM  
Anonymous Arleen said...

This song just makes me cry. What lights? What home? Who will try to fix me? There is no one. No one but me. And I'm hopeless at fixing anything.

August 20, 2007 at 11:48 AM  
Anonymous Teacake said...

Beautiful post.

August 21, 2007 at 11:39 PM  

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